Updated: Feb 2, 2019
Ever feel like you just want everyone, in the nicest possible way, to F*** off? Your friends and fam are amazing and you're super grateful for every single one of them, worldwide, but sometimes you want to throw your phone into the sea and want everyone on the train to just STFU.
If this feeling arises, it's time to listen. Your emotions talk to you, especially if you're a woman during the later stage of your cycle, your mind/body (it's the same, it's one) will produce this feeling as a signal to tell you to slow down and step away and find some time and space for yourself.
You'll know if you're someone who says 'yes' too often when you want to say 'no' if you find yourself feeling tired a lot and feeling rushed. Even those of us with envious self-care routines and relaxed mornings involving baths, meditation and leisurely coffee and breakfasts (that's me) can find ourselves needing and wanting to just retreat from the world to a place of quiet, peaceful...solitude. That meme springs to mind "Sorry I'm late, I didn't want to come". I've got to a really nice point where I generally don't go to things I don't want to go to and I don't even make excuses anymore. I blankly say 'no, sorry, I will probably be too tired'. Meaning exactly that. Meaning 'no, that's an evening I need at home alone and nothing is more important than that, nothing is going to fulfill me more'. "No, I'm way more excited about going to lay in my bed on a Saturday night and read things with a cup of tea in my pyjamas, thanks and I don't care what anyone thinks about it". Not having an Instagram really helps with this. It means I don't feel the need to be doing things just to show to people I'm doing things. This is a real problem people have! (This post is actually coming to your from a Saturday night) Yes, my phone is off. I have eaten lots of bread, butter and blue, creamy cheese with garlic and I am going to sleep at 10pm. Rock on, John.
On my personal journey, solitude has become increasingly non-negotiable and important, realising the restorative benefits. Conversations with others can be stimulating, thought provoking, enlightening and engaging but real personal growth happens via reflection, contemplation and processing in the quiet company of no one but yourself. Introverts know this. They crave alone time to rest in the place where it's just noooo taaaalking. Since moving to London, I have felt increasingly overwhelmed by the chatter overheard on public transport: crying babies, conversations, arguments, families as well as 'Mrs. Train', the announcer with her "This is the SOUTHERN service to London Victoria calling at..." and the increased desire to return back to the silence of my serene lair.
You all know that sweet feeling of getting home, removing certain clothing, washing your face of makeup and getting into your bed. And you're an adult. I think adults actually do it way more than kids do! It must be necessary if we all do it!
Self-nurture is one of the most important things you can do because when you are at your best, you take better care of those around you, and, if you are of the disposition to be the ear that people come to with their problems, you're going to probably need to take even more time than the average person for yourself to rejuvinate. It's like emptying a jug that's had bits of drinks poured in it all night (a 'slop trough', if you will). Throw those slops away and wash out the jug with silence and solitude.
Permanently-pissed-off, prickly, people would do well to really listen to what they feel they need to do for themselves. These people are often blaming other people for everything wrong in their life, have you noticed anyone like this? Yes, what they need is a good, long bath, white chocolate magnum, early night, Netflix binge and 20 hours playing Tekken or whatever else they might wanna do for pure self-indulgence once a fortnight. Possibly a thrash room.
It's NOT SELFISH in a bad way. Selfish can be good. It's actually responsible AF to take care of yourself!. Taking this amount of responsibility for your own wellbeing is a way to self-transcendence because you're in tiptop condition around all your nearest and dearest more often. When you sort yourself out, you don't go to them with problems. When you're meditating daily, spirit/source/the universe/higher self becomes your counsellor, your guide, your mentor and you're not putting it on other people - who, erm, can't fix your problems anyway.
Switching OFF your phone without explanation is also fine to do. It's amazing that we are connected in the way we are now but there's also a niggling in your mind that the smart phone creates when you're aware you've received notifications or messages and you've not replied yet because of the fast-food, rapid-response, attention-deficit, instantaneous world in which we live means we feel obliged to reply and addicted to checking. Or just turn off those notifications. I have them off now so that I need to open Whatsapp entirely to see what messages I have and I do that when I decide I am prepared to be barraged. They'll be fine without you for a bit. Obs don't go totally AWOL if you'll really worry people. Maybe introduce it as a new thing you're going to start doing for total transparency.
We are all guilty of taking on too many commitments. Maybe it is too many commitments or maybe it is just the need for increased solitude as a result of loving myself more and not giving a F so much about what anyone thinks of me.... ahh the liberation.
This is not to say I don't feel inner peace 99% of the waking day out and about amongst noise and people. What I'm drawing your attention to here is what you owe yourself: more self-time, doing what you flat out just want to do. What would you do if it didn't matter, you had no one to impress and all the time in the world to do it? Well, that thing, whatever comes to your mind, is something you need to do more of. And it's probably something utterly indulgent and comforting. So do it, shamelessly please. The world will still be there when you emerge anew.
So in sum, solitude = self-transcendence via the medium of self care. When you take care of yourself first, you can be the light for others more easily. Intentionally co-creating a more conscious, happier planet, starting with yourself.
If you feel you're in a place where you need more space and want to talk about how you can grow into your best life, email or call me to book a discovery session now:
firstname.lastname@example.org and we can get you to those leisurely mornings, together.